Friday, May 29, 2009

You thought PEDs were a problem...

How come more superheroes aren't professional athletes in their secret identities?

Consider Peter Parker. Super-strong, great leaping ability, the stickiest hands you'll ever see...don't you think he could make a lot more money as a wide receiver than as a freelance photographer?

Wolverine may not have the height, but he'll never spend a day on the disabled list or injured reserve. Line him up at tailback and watch him go! (Of course, his pit-fighting scene in the first X-Men movie would seem to make him a natural for MMA-style action.

And imagine a mind-reader like Charles Xavier as your head coach. "Peyton, they're going to blitz on this play. The corner's got a bad ankle that he's trying to hide, so Reggie should be wide open."

And this is ignoring obvious concepts like The Flash running the 100-meter dash or Clark Kent doing, well, just about anything.

Does it seem a little underhanded and dishonest for "heroes"? Maybe. So why shouldn't the villains get in on the action? Sure, some are just psychos who want to take over/blow up the world, but making $10-$20 million a year as a top-tier athlete and having a decked-out crib must beat robbing banks and living in a secret underwater lair.

Of course, they couldn't go all out in their athletic endeavors (as Dash's race at the end of The Incredibles shows us), but they'd easily be better than any "normal" athlete.

(And yes, I know about Spider-man/Peter Parker no longer having a secret identity and Wolverine doesn't technically have one...just hang with me, here.)

Then again, how do we know this hasn't already happened? Barry Sanders and Randy Moss, I'm looking at you.

No comments: