My poor, bleeding eyes!

Those wacky Madden '09 folks are at it again.

Warning: The following image may be too graphic for young viewers, especially those in the upper Midwest.

Read the story here. In essence, a Madden '09 season with Brett Favre as QB put the Vikings at 10-6. Without him, the team goes 5-11.

(And besides, John David Booty is wearing #4. You think the rookie fifth-round draft pick is going to give up his hard-fought number for a nobody like Favre? Pfeh!)

Now I'm as big a Tarvaris Jackson critic as anyone. But 5-11? Three wins fewer than last year? The article's author seems to agree:

Unless Jared Allen is mauled by bears on one of those hunting trips and the rest of the defense catches polio, that team isn't going 5-11.

With one defensive player already sidelined for the season by leukemia, I don't know that I'd be tempting fate like that.

* Ever wonder who would win between the 1998 Vikings and the 1996 Packers? Of course you have. Maybe you've even simulated the game in some version of John Madden Football. But have you ever wondered who would win if the two teams faced off in Tecmo Super Bowl?

I have to hand it to the creators of this video, and others like it, playing a full season of games pitting top historical teams against each other. (The Vikings/Packers game comes around the 5:30 mark. I won't spoil it for you, but justice is served later in the video, when the 1998 Falcons lose.) The editing and commentary are far better than I would have expected, too. Now, if I only knew how they did it...

* Continuing the video-game theme, what player holds the all-time record for the two-minute drill in Madden 2002? If you guessed, Daunte Culpepper, you'd be right. But I'm not talking about someone using Daunte in the game.

Actually, I am. Sort of. Nice to see the man's keeping busy, no?

* Imagine if, midway through the season, the Vikings lost Adrian Peterson, Jared Allen, and Steve Hutchinson to injury. Then you'd know what the Atlanta Braves feel like, having lost their three best players (Tim Hudson, Chipper Jones, and Brian McCann) all in the last few days. McCann should only miss a few days after suffering a concussion Sunday, while Chipper's been placed on the 15-day DL and Hudson is likely done for the season.

Oh, toss in that John Smoltz's last pitch for the season was on June 2 and that'd be like losing Kevin Williams around week 6, too. And they'll probably trade away Mark Teixeira (Vikings equivalent: Matt Birk?) in the next few days. OK, then the team might go 5-11.

* While I think that paying Joe Nathan -- a player who will pitch approximately 1/20 of his team's total innings -- $11 million per year is a little ridiculous, it's not as bad as paying $7.5 to $10 million a year to a guy with 112 touches last year and whom opposing teams can purposely avoid. But I guess when you're the Bears and you have only one actual scoring threat on your team, you need to make sure he's happy.

Congratulations, Devin Hester. Now that you're financially set for life, feel free to follow Dante Hall's career path from "godlike return man" to "fifth wide receiver."

* Finally, after starting this post with such a disturbing image, I thought I'd end it with something nicer:


That's Jenn Sterger, who, in addition to looking good in a referee's uniform (insert "I'd like to commit a personal foul on her" joke here), was a regular columnist for SI.com in 2006 and 2007...aaaaaaaaaand, she posed for Playboy. I try to maintain a PG-13 blog here, but you shouldn't have too much trouble finding more...interesting...pictures of her, if you so desire.

Jenn, if you're reading this, I'd be open to the idea of a guest columnist some day, especially one with your, ah, experience...