Busy day for the NFC North

As a "final 8" team in this new uncapped year, the Vikings don't look to be too active in free agency this offseason. But the other teams in the division aren't as restricted, as was evidenced by today's flurry of activity by two of the Vikings' divisional rivals.

Well, by one of our divisional rivals and the Lions.

Here's my opinions, in order of increasing importance, of the five free-agent moves made today by the Bears and the Lions.

5) Lions sign WR Nate Burleson. Apparently learning nothing from the Seahawks, who got nine more catches and 31 fewer yards in four years of Burleson than the Vikings got from him in three, the Lions handed Burleson a five-year, $25 million contract. He did have a respectable 63 catches and 812 yards for the Seahawks last year but also missed three games, following a one-game 2008 season. And the Lions continue to show why they're in last place, year after year.

4) Bears sign RB Chester Taylor. If you're surprised I rank this transaction so low, consider this: The Bears already have a decent third-down back in Matt Forte (120 receptions in two seasons), Taylor will turn 31 just after the start of the season, and he's averaged 4.0 and 3.6 yards per carry his last two years with the Vikings. If the Bears plan to make him their featured back, consider that Taylor managed just 4.0 yards per carry his one year as a featured back (2006), which was vastly inflated by his 95-yard run against the Seahawks; he managed just 3.7 yards per carry on his other runs that year. I'm really appreciative of what Taylor did in his four years with the Vikes, but his age, Adrian Peterson's new-found receiving skills, and the presence of Albert Young and Ian Johnson to take over the backup role made him eminently expendable.

(Strange note: In my copy of Madden NFL 2009 that I played four seasons of last year, Taylor signed with the Bears during the 09-10 offseason. Now, if Tarvaris Jackson can just lead us to the Super Bowl, my game will be uncannily accurate...)

3) Lions sign DE Kyle Vanden Bosch. Two years ago, Vanden Bosch was coming off three seasons of 12.5, 6.5, and 12.0 sacks. Since then, he's managed just 7.5 sacks, and the Titans' scoring defense sank to 28th in the league last year. Granted, he instantly improves the Lions' defense -- not a difficult task -- but he's not the playmaker he used to be.

2) Bears sign TE Brandon Manumaleuna. Chester Taylor won't do much to improve the Bears' running game, but Manumaleuna might. He's not much of a pass-catcher, but he's blocked for the likes of LaDanian Tomlinson and Marshall Faulk during some of their biggest years. On the bright side, this means that Greg Olson's career as a Bear is almost virtually done, as he'll likely be traded for a draft pick, so, in the short term, one wonders if the "trade" is a wash.

1) Bears sign DE Julius Peppers. All of the other transactions involve so-so players or don't provide significant upgrades to their teams. This one's the biggie, though, and I, for one, am not looking forward to Peppers making our QBs run for their lives twice a year. My only consolation is that Peppers turned 30 in January (by comparison, Jared Allen is two years younger), but as was evident in the Panthers' game against the Vikings in December, he can still give any offensive coordinator nightmares.

Still, in general, I think that most of these moves -- Peppers excepting -- aren't the kind of big-impact deals that can completely change a team. The only team I'm really worried about in our division going into next year is the Packers, who, in winning seven of their last eight regular-season games last year, might not need much in the free agency market to give the Vikings a run for their money in 2010.

An Emmy-winning performance

While there's little outright complaining, there seems to be an undercurrent of mild grousing about the Vikings "only" beating the Lions 27-10 on Sunday and not putting the game out of reach until the 4th quarter. In fact, it seems like the Vikings always struggle with the Lions, despite coming out on top in each of the last five meetings between the teams.

My opinion is that a 17-point win is a 17-point win. The Vikings played just fine in Sunday's game, even if it took a while to make the game a pseudo-laugher. Consider some of the other games this past week that matched two teams where one was thought to be clearly superior than the other and yet barely eked out a win:

Miami 25, Tampa Bay 23
New Orleans 28, St. Louis 23

and a few that rank as outright upsets:

Washington 27, Denver 17
Cincinnati 18, Pittsburgh 12
Carolina 28, Atlanta 19
Green Bay 17, Dallas 7

And arguably the New England/Indianapolis and San Diego/Philadelphia games. Against those, I'll take a 27-10 victory any day.

* After the Vikings, my favorite three offenses to watch this season are, in order: Miami (love the Wildcat), New Orleans (for its sheer firepower), and -- wait for it -- Cleveland.

Watching the Browns' "offense" is like watching a good disaster movie, but without the obligatory hot chick. (I will still watch The Day After Tomorrow just to see Emmy Rossum.) I honestly think that Brady Quinn still has some potential in the league and could be a nice pickup for a team (possibly a team in purple) in a couple years when he finishes out his rookie contract, but the combination of terrible play calling (even MNF resident cheerleader Jon Gruden was criticizing the 827th one-yard route the Browns called last night), terrible receivers, and terrible offensive line play give him zero chance to succeed. Until that changes, the Browns offer better comedy than anything Jay Leno can provide on late-night TV.

* 20 carries for 41 yards Thursday for Matt Forte, making his season average 3.4 yards per carry. Good thing Jay Cutler will improve the running game in Chicago!

* Sorry, I'm still thinking of Emmy Rossum. I have to go now...

The bad, the bad, and the ugly

I'm out of town until Saturday. With the Vikings having a bye and sitting pretty at 7-1, I thought I'd have some fun at the expense of the bad -- really, really bad -- teams in the NFL.

* The Browns fired their GM, who was apparently picked by their coach (shouldn't that be the other way around?) and won't start Brady Quinn because they don't want him earning an $11 million bonus if he takes 70% of his team's snaps. Derek Anderson, meanwhile, is historically bad.

* When the Chiefs wanted to get younger two years ago, they traded 26-year-old Jared Allen to the Vikings. That was confusing. Trading 33-year-old Tony Gonzalez made more sense, though I couldn't figure out why you'd want to trade possibly the best tight end ever and a pillar of your community. Gonzalez, for the record, trails only Roddy White in receptions and receiving yards for the Falcons. But at least the Chiefs got younger, right?

Well...as if gobbling up 29-year-old Bobby Wade after the Vikings waived him, the Chiefs have claimed 31-year-old Chris Chambers. If their plan is to trade away great receivers and acquire mediocre ones, then they're right on target...

* It was about what you'd expect in a Rams vs. Lions matchup: With Detroit trailing 3-0, Matthew Stafford threw an interception into the end zone. Defensive back James Butler took the ball out of the end zone, ran back in to avoid a tackler, where he was then tackled by Kevin Smith. 3-2. It's the second time I can recall an offensive player scoring a safety. Philadelphia wide receiver Charles Johnson did it in this game, 10 years ago.

* If he had enough attempts to qualify, Vince Young would be the lowest-rated passer among active quarterbacks (69.0). He's also 18-11 as a starter. I know passer rating doesn't include rushing yards, but that's still messed up...

* The Redskins made it through the "easy" part of their schedule -- Giants, Rams, Lions, Bucs, Panthers, Chiefs -- with a 2-4 record. Those teams have a combined 11-34 record. Counting their game against Philadelphia last week, their next six opponents -- Eagles, Falcons, Broncos, Cowboys, Eagles, Saints -- have a combined 32-10 record. Can you say "2-10 record"?

* And oh, those Buccaneers. They rank 28th in the league in scoring, but that should be nothing new to Tampa Bay fans. Amazingly, in 34 years, the Bucs have only ranked in the top 10 in scoring once, in 2000.

But hey, at least their coach doesn't assault women.

Motoring through Motor City

Pardon the late commentary on yesterday's win over the Lions. My best guess is that I picked up something at the sports bar that's left me coughing, sniffling, and nigh exhausted since about halftime of the late games yesterday, and not in any real mood for doing much of anything, including blogging. It'll probably be another early bedtime for me tonight, too.

(Cheap shot alert: Yesterday did prove, though, that I'm a better wide receiver than Troy Williamson, who, as we all know, can't even catch a cold. And he won't be catching anything else for the rest of this year, either. His first two years in Jacksonville: eight catches, 64 yards and four kick returns for 84 yards. And we thought his time in Minnesota was bad.)

But the Vikings did play yesterday, and played generally well, though it would be nice if they'd show up for the first half of games. They've actually been outscored 23-17 in the first half of both their games this year. But they've made up for it with a 44-10 scoring margin in the second halves of their two games this year. And while Detroit and Cleveland aren't exactly powerhouses, going 2-0 on the road to start your season is very nice indeed.

I still like E.J. Henderson, but Chad Greenway might be the team's best linebacker. If he would have fielded that onside kick near the end of the game cleanly, he might have gone for 6, to go with his two interceptions.

Still, it's not all perfect. Maybe I'm being greedy after all these years of seeing running games absolutely shut down, but I'm a little worried about the team's sudden "vulnerability" to the run. Kevin Smith averaged 3.5 yards on 24 carries this week, to go with Jamal Lewis's 5.2 last week on 11 carries. That's exactly 4.0 yards per carry (35-140) to the two teams' primary running backs. Are we sure the Williams Wall hasn't been suspended?

(Here's a crazy thought...when the Vikings went up by a couple touchdowns, I was actually glad that the Lions would have to pass instead of run. With the Vikings giving up a total of 315 yards passing through two games, they might be better against the pass than they are against the run now. Weird.)

Then there's Brett Favre.

His long pass for the game went for 13 yards (to Sidney Rice), and, though his first two games, he's thrown for 265 yards on 48 pass attempts (37 completions). That's an average of just 5.52 yards per pass attempt, not too far off the league average of 6.2, but that doesn't take his (excellent) completion percentage into account. His 7.16 yards per completion is well below the league average of 10.64 (and his personal Y/C of 11.36). Essentially, the Vikings have absolutely no deep passing game, which I thought was why Brett Favre was brought in. You know, to open up the running game, which has been horrible these two ga -- oh, wait. It hasn't.

But, while he's been limited, you have to give credit to Favre for what he has accomplished. He's throwing almost exclusively short, which inflates his completion percentage (a league-leading 77.1%) and hasn't contributed a single turnover. The team being 2-0 doesn't hurt his cause, either. I can't even get worked up too much over the sacks, which are for minimal yardage (4.1 each), seem to be as much the offensive line's fault as anything, and may be helping to contribute to the lack of interceptions. He's been solid, but let's face it: Did you really think Brett Lorenzo Favre would be this good of a "game manager"? Highly unlikely.

The upcoming schedule is still mostly soft. Of the next four games, three are at home, with the only road game being against the Rams, who look worse than the Lions these days. 4-1 or even 5-0 seems likely once Baltimore comes to town in week 6, and maybe the "extended preseason" will help Favre adjust to his new surroundings and become a quarterback worthy of a $12 million paycheck. The thing is, I'm not sure at this point I want him to.

Lion in wait?

So...the Lions.

We should win. It should be fairly easy. Right?

And, while it's a mostly meaningless stat, the last time Brett Favre lost to the Lions in a home game was -- never. He's 16-0 at home all time against Detroit, even if all those games took place in Lambeau Field. And Barry Sanders won't be suiting up in Honolulu Blue tomorrow.

But we remember last year. We remember the Vikings escaping the Lions with a pair of close victories, 12-10 and 20-16. And nobody wants to be "that team," the one that the Lions finally break their 18-game losing streak against.

(The record for consecutive losses is 26, set by the 1976-77 Tampa Bay Buccaneers. If the Lions keep losing, then they'll be on a 25-game losing streak and looking to tie the record, in week 10 against -- you guessed it -- the Vikings.)

It should be fun to watch Matthew Stafford run for his life from the Viking defenders, hopefully never finding sufficient time to hook up with Calvin Johnson. Yes, the Lions scored 28 points last week, but that was against what can only charitably be called a "defense," or whatever it is that New Orleans puts out on the field when its opponents have the ball. The real Vikings defense -- discounting a punt-return TD and a garbage TD when most of the starters were out -- only allowed two field goals against Cleveland last week, and one of those came after the Browns got a short field on the failed surprise onside kick at the start of the game (which I don't think was an awful idea).

So we should stifle what passes for the Detroit offense. And Adrian Peterson should run wild. And Brett Favre should look like the Brett Favre of old, playing the defense like a pinball machine.

So why do I feel so nervous?

Watch out for the Lions in 2009

What would you say if I told you the Detroit Lions have a 21% chance of making the playoffs this year?

Considering that only 37.5% of all teams in the NFL make the playoffs in any given season, you'd probably think odds a little over half as good as that would be too high. To be sure, strange things can happen: Jay Cutler could bomb in Chicago, Green Bay might not fix its defense with the 3-4, Adrian Peterson could get hurt (gulp!), and Matthew Stafford could be the best rookie quarterback in league history. And BAM! The Lions take the NFC North, or at least get enough in-division victories to secure a Wild Card berth.

Some people get their ideas through meditation, others get them in the shower...this unlikely scenario came to me, as many great ideas likely do, by watching Alge Crumpler in last night's Hall of Fame Game between the Titans and the Bills.

Say what?

Apart from noticing Crumpler's girth (was he always that big?), my first thoughts upon seeing him was why the Falcons let him go to the Titans in the first place. He was a reliable receiver for the team for seven years, averaging 45 catches and just over 600 yards per season, numbers most tight ends would be more than happy with. The natural reason, of course, was that the Falcons were rebuilding after a 4-12 year and thought they could afford to let their high-priced veteran player go.

So what happened? Matt Ryan is what happened. The Falcons went 11-5, made the playoffs, and, in the offseason, traded for future Hall of Famer Tony Gonzalez to play tight end for them in 2009. Now, Gonzalez is a better receiver than Crumpler, to be sure. But why didn't the Falcons just hang on to Crumpler and accept that it might just take a couple years to be competitive? And what if Matt Cassel leads the Chiefs to a good record and playoff berth this year? Will the Chiefs regret giving up Gonzalez (not to mention Jared Allen last year)?

The trade deadline in baseball recently passed, and you see similar things in MLB: high-priced veterans being traded to contending teams in exchange for cheaper prospects. In MLB, with no salary cap, legions of minor leaguers, and a powerful players' union able to negotiate huge guaranteed contracts for its constituents, it probably makes more sense, even if your team thinks it can contend in a couple years. That kid from AAA might not be as good as your All-Star, but he's reasonably decent and makes about 1/50th the money. And if the situation is reversed in a year or two, you can make a deadline deal of your own and trade him for a pricy veteran.

The point is, why do NFL teams let their top talent go when they have a bad year or two (or 10, in the case of the Lions)? With a draft that actually works (more or less) in distributing top talent to the worst teams in the league, more moderate contracts, a salary cap, and a shorter schedule, which leads to greater fluctuations in win-loss record than true talent level would normally account for, why not hang on to your good players? You're not going to save that much money and might pull out of your nose dive quicker than you think.

But how quickly do teams "turn it around" in the NFL and go from awful to playoff hopeful? To answer this, I counted an "awful team" as one that went 4-12 or worse since the 1988 season (with 1987 being the strike year). I then counted how many years it took that team to make the playoffs after its awful season. If a team hasn't yet made the playoffs since its awful season, I didn't count them in the survey. And some teams' playoff-counting team counted against multiple awful teams. For instance, the 1997 and 1998 Bears are counted as taking four and three years, respectively, to make the playoffs, owing to the 2001 Bears' playoff run.

57 teams over 21 seasons meet these criteria. Their average wait to make the playoffs was 3.19 years, distributed below:

1 Year	12 teams
2 Years	16 teams
3 Years	7 teams
4 Years	8 teams
5 Years	6 teams
6 Years	3 teams
7 Years	3 teams
8 Years	2 teams

Of the 57 teams to go 4-12 or worse over this span, nearly half (28) made the playoffs within two years. Suddenly, blowing up the whole team doesn't seem like such a good idea.

Of course, it could be that blowing up the whole team was why those teams made the playoffs. Maybe the players Kansas City received in the trade for Jared Allen will be the reason they make the playoffs in 2009. (The Tony Gonzalez trade won't bear fruit for a while, though; the Chiefs dealt Gonzo for just a 2nd-round pick in 2010.)

And then there's the Lions. 12 of 57 teams -- about 21% -- made the playoffs the year after their "awful" year. And the awful year wasn't just a blip on the radar during an otherwise good run. Interestingly, as I look at those 12 teams, none of them seemed to be "good" for any significant length of time before their awful season, and a few -- like the 03-04 Chargers, 98-99 Rams, 98-99 Colts, and 95-96 Jaguars -- were very good for several years after making the playoffs for the first time following a lengthy period of mediocrity (or nonexistence, in the case of the Jags). The Falcons were the most recent team to accomplish this feat, so maybe Matt Ryan can lead them to a new era of dominance in the NFC. And maybe Matthew Stafford can usher in a new era of prosperity for the Lions, if not in 2009, then at least by 2010.

Or maybe he'll just be Joey Harringon, Part II.

Schedule day!

It's like Christmas in April! Only without the snow and scary Santas in malls.

First, the schedule itself:

Week 1: @ Cleveland
Week 2: @ Detroit
Week 3: San Francisco
Week 4: Green Bay (Mon.)
Week 5: @ St. Louis
Week 6: Baltimore
Week 7: @ Pittsburgh
Week 8: @ Green Bay
Week 9: Bye
Week 10: Detroit
Week 11: Seattle
Week 12: Chicago
Week 13: @ Arizona
Week 14: Cincinnati
Week 15: @ Carolina (Sun. Night)
Week 16: @ Chicago (Mon.)
Week 17: NY Giants

The Vikings start off on the road for their first two games and play three of their first five on the road, but there's certainly potential for a strong start, as none of the Vikings' first five opponents finished with a record better than .500 last year. In total, those five teams managed just a 19-61 combined record in 2008. And the two "best" teams in that bunch, 7-9 San Francisco and 6-10 Green Bay, will play in the Metrodome. 3-2 should be automatic, 4-1 clearly attainable, and 5-0 not out of the question.

Then come the defenses of Baltimore and Pittsburgh. The loss of Bart Scott could hurt the Ravens, and if Joe Flacco has to beat us -- and he will, considering the Vikings' run defense -- I like our chances at home. The only good thing about playing at Pittsburgh is that it'll be in October, so weather at least shouldn't be a factor. And speaking of weather, you gotta love going to Green Bay on the first of November!

Then the Vikings don't have to leave Minneapolis for a full month, with a bye week and three straight home games. It's not a bad stretch for the five post-bye games, with Arizona likely to come down significantly from last year, but the final three games could be brutal: road games against Carolina and Chicago and, like last year, a home finale against the Giants.

Finally, there's the weather issue. After the Green Bay game on Nov. 1, the Vikings have three road games. Arizona will be nice, but anything could go in that Chicago game -- freezing rain, snow, wind, anything. And don't be too optimistic about that Carolina game. I can say, from experience of living in Charlotte for four years, that it can get a little nippy in late December. Not Chicago or Green Bay nippy, but 40-degree temperatures at night are not uncommon. A cold snap could drop the weather down near freezing.

Still, it's overall a rather soft-looking schedule, at least on paper. Thanks to two games against the Lions and a run against the NFC West and AFC Central bottom-feeders Cleveland and Cincinnati, the Vikings boast one of the league's easiest schedules, based on last year's records. Fully half of the Vikings' opponents (8 of 16) come against teams that lost 10 or more games in 2008. Of course, the rest of the division gets a similar break, so it wouldn't be surprising to see two (or more) playoff teams come from the division. If Green Bay can get their 3-4 defense running smoothly and Jay Cutler's a hit in Chicago, the NFC North might just be the class of the league in 2009.

Assuming everyone forgets about Detroit.

So far, so good

NFL's drug suspension of 5 blocked by federal judge.

So the Williams Wall will be available for Sunday's game against Detroit. Which could be both good and bad news. Because if the suspensions stick, the Williamses will miss the next four games, no matter when they occur. Meaning that if they still are suspended next week, they'll miss the final three regular-season games and the first playoff game, should the Vikings advance to the postseason. A two-week delay would cost us two regular-season games and stretch into the playoffs or, potentially, next season. It's really an "all or nothing" gamble being undertaken by the Vikings, and it's possible the team could have still made the playoffs even without the Williams boys for the season's final four games. Taking the four-game suspension now could, quite possibly, have been the least harmful move. Now, though, they'll have to completely overturn the NFL's ruling to have any shot of keeping this from being a disaster.

* You know I don't like using this, but...the Vikings are 7-3 with Gus Frerotte in the lineup. Perhaps even more significant, after a 1-3 start without Bryant McKinnie, the team is 7-2 with him.

* Since taking over as the Lions' starter, Daunte Culpepper has been sacked 11 times in 102 dropbacks (a 10.6% rate) and thrown six interceptions in 91 pass attempts (6.6%). His passer rating is 53.6 and he's averaging 2.3 yards on eight rushes.

Really, why didn't this guy have a job earlier in the season? That's what every NFL pundit was asking throughout the season. I know Detroit's awful, but where are all the Daunte defenders now?

* Another note on how awful the Lions are: They've given up 38, 31, 38, and 47 points to low-watt offenses Jacksonville, Carolina, Tampa Bay, and Tennessee in their previous four games and their final four put them against the best running back in the league (Adrian Peterson), a guy who knows a thing or two about picking apart a bad defense (Peyton Manning), an MVP candidate (Drew Brees) and the #5 scoring offense in the league (Green Bay).

The NFL record for most points allowed in a season is 533 by the 1981 Baltimore Colts. That's 33.3 per game. The Lions have allowed a league-high 393 points this season, 32.8 per game. This could be a record-breaking defense, and for all the wrong reasons.

That is, of course, assuming the Vikings can score more than 12.

When is a win not a win?

It shouldn't take a last-second field goal and loads of help from the officials to beat the Detroit Lions at home. But that's exactly what happened to the Vikings Sunday, who did everything in their power to hand the Lions their first win of the season, only to be thwarted by questionable officiating and that, when it comes down to it, the Lions are still the Lions. Better luck next week, perhaps?

By now, complaining about the play calling is like living in Alaska and complaining that it's cold. That's just how it is and it won't change until you make a major move -- either to a warmer climate or in your head coaching ranks. (Here's an idea: Send Brad Childress to Alaska.) The Vikings dropped back to pass 38 times and ran 31 times. Gus Frerotte was sacked five times. They dropped back to pass on their first three offensive snaps, resulting in an incompletion, penalty on Detroit, and a sack. Big runs after the catch by Bernard Berrian and, of all people, Jim Kleinsasser, inflated Frerotte's final numbers to just shy of 300 yards, despite having zero or negative yards on 22 of 38 pass plays (incompletion, sack, or completion for negative yardage). Meanwhile, Adrian Peterson and Chester Taylor racked up 132 yards on 30 carries -- but hey, running the ball is boring. Let's pass more!

Truthfully, I thought the second-half playcalling wasn't so bad from a run/pass ratio. And the defense played remarkably well, allowing only 10 points and only one real big play (a 50-yard run by Kevin Smith) and forcing a safety. And Peterson's two fumbles didn't help any. He now has seven fumbles on 397 career touches, not a terrible ratio, but if it creeps up any more, it might officially become a Problem(TM). That said, Brad Childress is still going to get a negative vote from me this week and will continue to do so until it looks like he actually knows what's going on during a game instead of just riding along the wave of inept opponents and bad officiating.

I didn't think it'd be possible to feel less good about a win than I did following the New Orleans game Monday night, but that's exactly what happened after today's game. At 3-3, the team now has a chance to take the lead in the division with a victory next week against Chicago (hoping that Green Bay loses to Indianapolis) and be over .500 going into the bye week. That's the good news. The bad news is that, if the team does continue to win, no matter how improbably, Brad Childress will likely keep his job after the season. Strange as it sounds, making the playoffs could be the worst thing to happen to the Vikings.

Charles Rogers? Really?

Noted flop Charles Rogers has been in the news recently thanks to a rumor planted by, of all people, his former high school coach, who says that the Minnesota Vikings have been in contact with the wide receiver. The story's been picked up by several sources, but most people rate the chances of Rogers actually making it to training camp somewhere between slim and none.

Which is how it should be. As bad as the Vikings' receiving corps has been recently, there shouldn't be any interest in a player who hasn't even taken a snap in nearly three years and possesses a total of 36 receptions in 15 games as a pro. Most people (myself included) probably weren't even aware he was still in football, but he apparently tried out with the Dolphins, Patriots, Bucs, and Chiefs since his release by the Lions in September 2006. As if being rejected by four teams shouldn't be enough to put a team off signing a guy, Rogers also reportedly ran a lineman-like 4.8 40 in a 2007 workout with Kansas City. He's supposedly also received interest from the Montreal Alouettes of the Canadian Football League, so maybe he just got sidetracked and passed through Minnesota on his way north. Let's at least hope that's what it is.

(And speaking of the Alouettes, I think it's great that CFL teams have cheerleading squads. I wonder if they still wear the skirts when it's below zero in October? And you have to love some of those French-Canadian names, like Marie-Noelle, Andrée-Anne, Eve Lyne, and not one, but two Marie-Eves. My official favorite Alouette cheerleader is Nathalie. She builds airplanes for a living. Insert "Mile High Club" joke here.)

UPDATE: Looks like Rogers might have actually gotten lost on his way to Montreal, or at least his former coach was confused about it. It's understandable, I mean, how many football teams up north that start with "M" are there?

And yes, I still think the CFL should get more air time in the United States.

More of the Worst Teams in NFL History

My article about the 1934 Cincinnati Reds of the NFL, who went 0-8 while being outscored 243 to 10, got a lot of good feedback, so I've chosen to dive back into my NFL Record and Fact Book to come up with some more of the most horrendous, most lopsided, most inept teams in the history of the NFL. This is not being done to make fun of the teams themselves, or the individual players, but --

Oh, who am I kidding? It is to make fun of them. And to make your team look not-so-bad in comparison, even if you're a Dolphins or Raiders fan.

We'll start with an easy team to make fun of: the Detroit Lions, specifically the 1942 version. I know, I know, as in Major League Baseball, a lot of eligible players were stolen by the draft and went off to fight in World War II, but every team should have faced the same obstacles, and they didn't all go 0-11 while being outscored 263-38. And perhaps the '42 Lions should have sent some of its boys over to learn how to throw a grenade, since they were so abysmal at throwing a football. As a team, the Lions hurled just one TD pass while notching 33 interceptions. As a team, the passer rating of all passers was 8.2, which is just 1.8 lower than the number of wins Jon Kitna would like for the Lions in 2008.

.....

With their storied success over the past four decades, it's easy to forget just how bad the Pittsburgh Steelers used to be. From their inception (as the Pirates) in 1933 to their first Super Bowl win in 1972, the Steelers boasted exactly seven winning seasons in 39 campaigns and was even twice merged with another team (the Eagles in 1943 and the Cardinals in 1944) to compensate for players lost to World War II.

The 1969 Steelers, however, stand out not only for their abysmal 1-13 record but for the poor head coach who led the squad to the worst record in the league. Chuck Noll, in his first season leading an NFL team, actually won his first game as a head coach, a 16-13 affair against -- you guessed it -- the Detroit Lions. The team then lost 13 straight, including back-to-back 52-14 and 47-10 affairs against the Vikings and Cardinals, respectively. The future Steel Curtain defense yielded 404 points, most in the league, and the offense wasn't much better, with a second-worst 218 points scored.

Then again, what can you expect when your quarterback is named Dick Shiner?

On the bright side, Pittsburgh's horrific 1969 season landed them the #1 overall draft pick in 1970, with which the team selected another quarterback: Louisiana Tech's Terry Bradshaw. That worked out reasonably well, I'd say.

.....

Finally, there's the 1981 Baltimore Colts (not to be confused with the 1-15 1991 Indianapolis Colts), a team that bracketed season-opening and season-ending wins with 14 consecutive losses; only the 2001 Carolina Panthers have done "better" in a single season. (Note to self: There's a historically bad team every 10 years. Will wait to see what 2011 holds.) In fact, think of the '81 Colts as the team that turns everyone into the 2007 Patriots, because no team in NFL history has ever surrendered more points in a season than Baltimore's 533. In fact, only one other team, the 1966 New York Giants, has ever given up 500 points (501, and in 14 games), but I'm going with the raw numbers here over average.

No opponent scored fewer than 23 points against the Colts in 1981. That average alone would have resulted in 368 points given up, good enough for 8th worst in the league, but the Colts wouldn't settle for that. They gave up 40 or more four times, 30 or more 10 times, and allowed a mind-boggling 67 touchdowns (37 passing and 30 rushing), more than twice as many as the 32 offensive touchdowns the team put up. By comparison, the 2007 Patriots scored 67 touchdowns on the ground or through the air. Opposing quarterbacks were only sacked 13 times and racked up a passer rating of 99.7, five points higher than Peyton Manning's career 94.7 mark.

Combine a 2-14 1981 and a 0-8-1 strike-shortened 1982, and it's easy to see why John Elway wanted nothing to do with this team in the 1983 draft. The 1981 Colts might have been better off with Art Donovan manning the defensive line. At the very least, they would have been more entertaining.